As your days grow shorter and fall approaches, mine seem to be getting longer. With the tragedy here on Saturday, we were in lockdown and not allowed to leave the hotel all day. That made for a very long day as there is no entertainment to redirect our attention outside of the weekends. Just a familiar hotel with a static and expensive menu. I spent most of Sunday with my mind on family and politics, laying around my room contemplating things I’d never put energy toward before.
One idea that passed my mind was related to the attacks and how I’ve never considered myself a target before. I don’t think I’ve even had a legitimate enemy since high school (20 years ago). While I don’t feel like Americans are a specific target we can’t avoid the violence and it won’t avoid us. All day yesterday, I had this odd feeling that I might be a target of opportunity. We don’t typically deal with situations like this in the US. It’s so new to me that I can’t explain the emotion at all. It‘s not fear, nor is it despair and it doesn’t trigger an fight or flight response, but it definitely has my subconscious contemplating it. I find myself a little mentally exhausted and my brain a little cloudy which typically only happens when I’m really stressed about something.
So today starts a new week and as the last week in August, completing it will be my first assignment milestone of 25%. One month down, three to go. Hopefully the violence will not continue and life here will return to normal for the remainder of the assignment.
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